Fighting during a marriage is not necessarily a sign that a couple cannot go the distance. However, when arguing escalates to include demeaning behavior, constant button-pushing or a sense of constant conflict, divorce may not come as a surprise.
Do you expect the fighting to decrease during the proceedings? When trying to divorce amid hard feelings and bitterness, your situation may fall into the high-conflict category. If your spouse is the cause of your angst, try some of these tips for getting through a divorce in the face of constant adversity.
Limit direct communication
You may find yourself getting drawn into an argument every time you speak to your spouse. Speaking directly to each other is not advisable if you find yourself having your buttons pushed. If you have children and must talk about schedules, do so through a third party such as your attorney. When conversations have to occur after your attorney’s business hours, use email. Avoid telephone or face-to-face discussions to minimize the chance of a fight.
Decide what your ideal situation is for after the divorce, but keep one foot grounded in reality when doing so. Issues will come up that you and your spouse will not agree on. Even in amicable divorces, the parties will disagree on some elements. However, in high-conflict battles, it seems that nothing comes easy. Speak with your attorney about the issues on which you cannot compromise. Set your priorities so he or she knows what is most important for you.
Your attorney is a valuable ally, but you may require more support. Ask for a referral to a counselor or mental health professional as you might benefit from it. The tools and strategies provided by such an expert can aid you in remaining steadfast in the face of negativity and conflict. The sessions can also help rebuild self-esteem and confidence that may have waned in the face of marital discord.